help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
