basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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