I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A bitchslap is in order.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
