I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
