How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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