I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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