She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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