i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize