are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
