My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
