i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
