Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
