I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
