maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
