Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
