I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
