I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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