Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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