i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
