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i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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