oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
