You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
