he wants to bone in the snuggie
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
