Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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