9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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