Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
