If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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