i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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