If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
