I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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