it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
