Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
