You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
