Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
