I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need a beard to bite.
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