my phone needs a breathalizer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
