I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
