yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
