Four minutes until I can fart!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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