He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
