So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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