OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
