Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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