I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
