i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
