i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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