I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
