she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
