One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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