While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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