Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
