worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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