You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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