Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
These tits shall not be calmed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
