You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
