Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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