Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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