just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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