Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
