Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
