Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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