The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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