I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
