does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
