White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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