he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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