wanna go halves on a baby?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
