Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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