even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
