Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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